Please forgive me for what I’m about to put you through. I wish I could say this is not going to hurt or cause bodily trauma, but you and I both know I’d be lying. I have tortured you for the last 9 months by carrying a fetus. I have given you stretch marks that are completely beyond repair no matter what kind of fancy lotion I buy to make you go away. Your hips are completely mashed and out of whack and the hormones have not yet decided to subside. My apologies.
We’re going to have to work through these next few months together. It’s called exercise and breastfeeding. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? It’s where we move around, burning calories, all without being in pain (and without child) and force the body into a myriad of dairy production. I figure you have about 3 months of hard, intensely focused combined work ahead of you along with gearing back up to full strength for massage therapy. You’re going to need to wow your clients again with those magic hands.
So let’s buck up, body. I’m going to put you through hell until around Wednesday, and then it’s serious recovery time – stretching, yoga, treadmill, weightlifting, and some massage sessions. All designed to put you back together, of course.
No hard feelings, okay? Please forgive me. Caelan knows not what he has done to us… but we’ll be sure to remind him when he’s acting like a punkass in his later years.
All my love,